I’m Sorry, I’m Sorry . . .

Remembering Hisaki Araya
By Masaki Araya

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you said
As our mother nursed her forehead where you hit her
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you said
As the police officers handcuffed you and took you away

Since then, you lived in an institution
Schizophrenia stripping away your mind, your mind, your freedom, your mind, your freedom, your independence

When we visited you
You asked when you could come home
I sat in silence, my eyes on the floor
You didn’t know, you didn’t know, you didn’t know this institution was your new home
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry . . .” you said

When they called to tell me you had Covid
I asked them to do all they could to save you
I did not, I did not want, I did not want your blood on my hands

You dies, ah you died,
You died in the same hospital
Where we were born on the same day
Twins, yet I was spared your burden
Shouldering a different burden
Of guilt, of shame and terror

What was your last thought before your eternal sleep?
Was it of our family? I hope
I hope you knew that mom and I loved you
I will forever continue to say the words you uttered
The day they took you away
“ I’m sorry, I’m sorry . . . ”
“ I’m sorry, I’m sorry . . . ”


Hisaki Araya died on May 13, 2020 of Covid-19. He was 44.